COMPLEX PLAN

ebm and greg want your holiday.

 

 

 

okay. so greg and I are always pretty much without funds. I only work one day a week. greg doesn't work at all. it doesn't particularly bother either of us. we did a lot of math equations and came up with this.

 

 

 

So anyway, the point is- we need money for this bosefus holiday that Frank McCourt hates. We feel that by getting really drunk and peeing ourselves, we're making other people look good as they will not be acting as out-of-control and stupid. Thereby, it is a public service. And everybody knows, people LOVE giving money to public services. Just look at UNICEF. Sure, we're not starving in a third world country but Canada's government-funded igloos are melting and soon I will be out of a home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

<---this kid is greg

 

 

 

 

<---this kid is Irish.

 

 

 

WHO'S THE BITCH NOW?!!?

 

 

IDEA #1: put jar in the lobby of my residence. people like kooky straight-forward stuff. telling them that we need money for alcohol just might work.

 

 

IDEA #2: ebm will do a highland fling for you for $3 or a beer, depending how much of a cheapskate you are. sure, this may be a SCOTTISH dance but...they kick the pants off the Irish folk anyday. Do you think Robbie Burns would dye a fucking haggis green and then pontificate about it for an hour? i didn't think so.

 

IDEA #3: Gullible college kids. plenty of U of T hockey playing types will be out in full force tomorrow as they feel it is their civic duty to do so. people like this either want to become ministers in the church of ebm and greg, or they want to beat us up. if it is the former, they can be ordained for the price of 2 Carlsbergs.

IDEA #4: Recently, all these quasi-homosexual males have been telling greg he's hot and taking pictures of him at clubs and shit. i say, you're a ho that's not getting PAID! Pictures of greg will now cost $10 or a Guinness for each of us. Boys who want to make out with ebm in dirty bathrooms best be prepared to PAY MA BILLS (telephone bills, automo-bills, etc)

here we have a lovely picture of greg face down on the pavement!

 

If you're still not convinced about just how pathetic/awesome we are, you are urged to email this person: Prime Minister of Canada.

Contributions for next St. Patrick's Day are already being accepted by mail (for you out-of-towners). If you live in the Greater Toronto Area, however, you are obligated to give us our money in person, sometime on Friday, March 17th. (Preferably early rather than late in the game, you know?)

YOU WANT TO GIVE US MONEY. I can't stress this enough.

What will your money buy? Well, literally, beer- and the occasional pack of smokes when we run out but you get to hang out with us and be privy to our beer-induced antics. DOES THE FUN EVER STOP????