So there was a small portion of this past fall where
I was going to change my name. The reasons are both personal and
no longer exist, so I never went through with it, but coming up
with the "new names" was loads of fun. At first it was
just going to be a change of last name but, if you're going to
pay the $75 and go through all the paper work, why not do it up
right? The first person I told my plan to was good pal, Marek
Denisiuk. He's easily the smartest boy in Toronto, if not North
America. What he lacks in taste in girls, he more than makes up
for in taste in books, political savvy, and pure wit. He is a
fabulous orator and...oh well, enough about Marek. I told him
about my first few ideas after explaining bearing the name Mann
is much akin to calling yourself Hitler.
In retrospect I do suppose this was a tad harsh.
My original idea was Elizabeth MacAllister- same first name, lengthy
Scottish surname. Marek said it was too stodgy and math teacher-esque.
He changed it to Elizabeth MacKenzie and gave the green light.
He was also amused by my sincere suggestion of 'Rick Moranis..'
I mean, come on! Imagine some chunky doofus at the James Joyce
comes up to you and is all, "Hey.what's your name?"
and you say Rick Moranis. Because, honestly, who would make something
like that up? Nobody even LIKES Rick Moranis, so why would I lie
about it. You could even show a passport to back up your claim.
Rick Moranis- 5'8", blonde hair, brown eyes, USA. I could
go on to make a movie called, Honey, I Shrank My Credibility
and it could very well be a box-office hit.
The next person I asked for assistance from was my friend
Ash. Ash gets props for having a Pokemon related name and some
more for helping me fine tune my, now growing, list.
This list included:
Ash suggested Rainbow Brite and I shook my head, "I
don't have nearly enough gigantic raver pants to carry that off.
Sorry."
We toyed around with phrase names such as "So hot."
Hey, who are you? Oh, I'm so hot. See? The other phrase name that
gave us both a chuckle was, "Fuck me in a phone booth."
So someone walks up to you, like an important client or something,
and extends their hand and says, "Thomas R. Dooley"
to which you sassily reply, "Fuck me in a phone booth."
I thought it was clever, but then, I would, I thought of it. Of
course, the other side of the clever moniker coin is a sticky
one. Like, say you're speeding down the 401 and you get pulled
over by a cop who just happens to be a mormon. Face it dude, you're
fucked. (um..but not literally- that would be if like...Kurt Russell
pulled you over. That cad.)
